Manifesto

I'm writing a sort of 'manifesto'/agenda to use in training and painting a vision for our youth ministry team. I'd like your thoughts about this part of the introduction - wanting to set the foundation for the need to do things differently:

"Youth ministry in the modern American church is broken. Too many young people are filling space in the activity of our youth ministries, then drifting away as they age – without ever having truly connected with their Creator. They are ‘good kids’; solid church citizens who know when to stand and when to sit, how to feign interested and behave in the presence of adults – but they are not disciples of Jesus. They say the right things on Sunday morning, but their thoughts are not His thoughts and their ways are not His ways. When they grow beyond the age when compliance can be forced or faked, it is quickly evident that they are following their own desires, not those of Jesus."

What do you think? Too dramatic?