12 in '12 Tuesday - Launching

12 in '12 is a series of posts talking about life in youth ministry with a 12 year old in the family this year.

Our twelve year old, Emily, has entered Middle School, which puts her into the youth category as far as our church's ministry is structured. Actually, we are pretty flexible with our 6th graders, and most of them have some involvement in both the youth ministry and children's ministry. As a first born, Emily's always thought of herself as a few years older than reality says she is, so she's been eager to get to be a part of the student group that I oversee.

As her father, I probably see her a couple years younger than reality says she is! This can cause some tension as she strains to exercise a growing amount of independence, so I'm trying to think of this in rubber band terms. She's stretching out, I'm holding on, and when I let go, she's going to fly. My job, as both a youth pastor and a dad, is to make sure that flight is a healthy one in a couple ways:

1. She needs to land where God's intended her to go. Right now, as I hold on, I can still assert some influence. I can still "aim" her in the right direction. Once the launch sequence has reached its end and the tension is released to be kinetic - her flight path is largely decided. I need to make sure she's learning how to handle the tools she'll need to make course corrections on her own. Mostly, that means asking the question, "Does she know how to recognize God's voice and is she willing to do what He says?" and doing everything I can to make sure the answer is "Yes."

2. I need to also make sure the tension created as she's pulling away isn't so great that the rubber band snaps. I see so many parents hold on so tightly that when launch day comes, the excitement fizzles quickly and their kids are shackled by the doubts and fears their parents have unwittingly planted by refusing to let them make any choices of their own. Sadly, these flights look more like a balloon with all the air let out, often ending up in a stretched out shell of what could have been, lying around on the basement floor.

So how is a parent (or youth pastor) supposed to manage this tension? Here are a few critical questions to help:

• Am I helping my kids understand God's Word? If they can't recognize His voice there, they're not likely to recognize it in their day to day living either.
• Can they see that I am following? If I'm telling my kids to listen and follow, they need to be able to tell that I'm doing what I'm doing because it's what God wants done. (i.e. I didn't stop and help the guy that was stuck just because I'm such a nice guy - but because God wanted him to be helped and I was there.)
• Have I established clear boundaries within which my kids feel confident in making decisions? My 5 year old wants to go ride her bike. She may ride as she pleases, as long as she stays in the driveway. My 12 year old's bike ride boundaries have extended far beyond the driveway, along with her capacity to make good decisions about where to go and where to not go. Most kids don't misbehave because they're bad - it's because they don't know where the boundaries are. Clear boundaries early in life really help kids later on.
• Do I realize whose kids these really are? This may be the toughest question of all. Last night we caught a couple minutes of The Bachelor waiting for the next show to come on. (Horrible show, by the way - why would anyone think that situation would work out to be anything other than the emotional train wreck that it is? I digress...) Emily was sitting next to me on the couch and I found myself getting defensive on her behalf. "If you ever let a guy treat you the way he's treating those girls, I will hunt him down..." actually came out of my mouth. But as much as I love and want to protect my kids, someone else's image is stamped much deeper in their lives than mine is. Our Father has a capacity to love and protect His own far greater than mine will ever be. We need to trust God with His kids.

How else have you seen parents preparing their kids for launch?

12 in '12 Tuesdays

A little more than 12 years ago, I was six months into my first ministry. I was ready to give a report at my first annual meeting, when a little interruption came into the picture and shifted pretty much everything in my life. Suddenly, a meeting that seemed to be a high stakes, high pressure affair was put into a completely different light. I gave a report that night about where I wanted to take our student ministry over the next couple years, sharing my vision for a church that was touching the lives of students in ways we had only dreamed of until then. I did my best to make it through the meeting, but the interruption was already casting her own hue on what I said - It was pink, and it didn't put much stock in Robert's rules.

For the past 12 years, my life (and ministry) has been tinted with various shades of pink as I've sought to be Emily's dad while doing the best job I can as a youth pastor. With Emily being 12 for most of 2012, I thought I'd do an ongoing series on what it's like fathering a 12 year old girl as I lead students who are now her peers to be the church He's calling them to be. I've already asked for her help, and I'll have her do a few guest posts throughout the year. (When I asked for her help on my blog, she just grinned and tried to negotiate a deal to get her own blog; I'm sure you'll enjoy what she has to say.)

Be watching for the 12 in '12 posts on Tuesdays this year. I'll be sharing what I learn about parenting a 12 year old (who thinks she's 22), being a youth minister with your own kids in the student ministry, and letting Emily give her perspective on growing up with a middle aged dad who likes to hang out with her friends as well. Anything you want to ask along those lines? Throw out your questions in the comments section and they'll become the fodder for Em & I to knock around in the coming weeks' posts.

Overhauling the American Family? Replace the American Dream.

In The Problem No One Wants to Talk About, Paul Williams (an editor at Christian Standard) connects some educational dots that need to be faced. The short version: the education of a child is ultimately up to the parents. You should read the full article, too, especially if you have school age children. We can blame bad schools and administrators and standards all we want, but the bottom line is that it is up to me and my wife to educate our own children. We've considered ourselves fortunate, even since Emily's first day in Mrs. Riggins' Kindergarten, to have our kids in public classrooms with good teachers who really cared AND were well equipped to teach their students. I know not everyone would share that sentiment, but we're glad to have had most of the teachers we've had and even keep in touch with a number of them.

Williams talks about how one of his wife's "greatest frustrations was parents who did not even bother to attend the school's open house or parent-teacher conferences. Even those who valued education were so busy trying to stay alive they were happy to leave Johnny's ABC's up to the school." In the end, he says, "It is not the American education system that needs an overhaul. It is the American family."

Parents may be too busy to show their kids which way to turn.

Ouch.

Families are definitely being stretched dangerously thin today, but before we throw parents under the bus, notice something tucked away in that statement: Parents are "so busy trying to stay alive" they've abdicated their responsibility. Just to be clear, most American parents are not busy dodging bullets or hiding in foxholes. Most American parents don't fill their waking hours clinging to literal last ditch efforts to keep breathing and pumping blood. So what are they busy doing that Williams refers to?

I'd argue that what we fill our time with is not so much "staying alive" as it is "getting ahead." The elusive American Dream was perhaps a noble ideal in previous decades, but the modern version of it is nothing like the simple original. It's not just the American family that needs overhauled, but the American value system that says "What I have is never enough. I must have more - even if that means burying my family under a truckload of Visa bills."

I read an article this morning about elected officials who were having a tough time making ends meet... just barely scraping by... struggling to keep their children well clothed and properly fed... "living paycheck to paycheck"... on $174,000 a year!

But this isn't about politics (I say as I choke on that last statement). It's about you and I and contentment. Are we sacrificing our children for a newer car in the driveway? Are we leaving our children to fend for themselves so they can sleep in a bigger house?

I have to admit I struggle with this. I never go to bed hungry, but I struggle with wanting more - wishing I made more money and could afford better stuff. Wishing I could go visit more exciting places and eat better food. But my kids don't need me to get a second job so they can ride in a truck with power steering as much as they need... me. They need me to coach their teams and be at their games. They need me to show them where the boundaries are in life and how to tell which ones are good boundaries and which ones were put there by some goober and need to be moved. They need me to help them know what it means to be a man, what it means to follow Jesus, and two of them need me to explain to them once and for all that men will never really understand them. (The other two need me to explain how to have fun trying!) I'd go full circle and say they need my help with homework, but... not so much. Not yet anyway.

How do you balance the desire to provide for your family with the demands that places on your time? Are you educating your children well, or have you left that up to "the professionals"? What could we do to help you "train up your child in the way he should go"?

Image via Agatha Villa at CreationSwap

First Car a Benz? Really?

When I turned 16, I wanted a Toyota 4Runner. I'd be able to go anywhere, get over any obstacle in my way (because there are a lot of those when you live a block and a half from the school), plus they were just cool. I wasn't completely impractical, I told my parents I'd settle for something used - a 1990 would be just right (this was in 1991). Needless to say, I didn't get my 1990 4Runner when I turned 16. I did buy one somewhere around 32, though, and it's still in my driveway... It's not that cool anymore, though.

My students may hate me after this, but... I'll have to live with it. I just came across an odd little article about The 10 Best Used Cars for Teens. It's definitely more of a subjective list than anything based on factual reality. At least the reality of growing up in a home financed by a youth pastor's salary - sorry kids. You can check out the full list here, but here are a few of their suggestions:

• 2007 Volvo S40
• 2006 Mercedes Benz C230
• 2009 Volkswagen Jetta
• 2010 Hyundai Sonata

I'll spare you the Porsche Boxter reference, or the shoutout to the Mini Cooper... (oops, guess I didn't). It's actually a good list. I'd rather have any of the cars on the list than what I currently drive. The problem I have with the list is this: you don't have to spend $15,000 (the price point used in this article) on a car to keep your kids safe behind the wheel. Maybe I'm just bitter because the combined value of all 3 vehicles in my stable wouldn't touch $15,000... Maybe this bugs me because my first car was a Dodge Colt with a gutless guinea pig barking orders under the hood... (when it got wrecked by my experienced, responsibly driving parents who borrowed it when I was out of town on a church trip, I got upgraded to an Omni... ooohhh).

Honestly, I'm not bitter, I'm just cheap. I don't want any of my students, or my own kids in a few more years, to get hurt driving or hurt someone else. But don't think that just because you bought your kid a "well equipped" Volvo that he's safer than my kid running around in well worn Pinto... ok, maybe the Pinto takes things too far, but you get the point.

Here's what you need to do with this list:

1. If your child is currently hunting for a vehicle - throw the list away. None of these cars are a good option for a first vehicle - unless you have way more money than brains. You don't need to spend $15,000 to keep your offspring safely behind the wheel. You need to actually teach them to drive. Sorry, that was rude. If you'd like to spend $15,000 dollars on a car for your kid that's none of my business, but don't do it thinking they're going to be more safe. Statistically speaking, my guess is that there's very little relationship between the price of a used car and its relative safety when operated by a new driver.
2. If your child is in Jr. High - Keep the list. In 3 or 4 years when your child starts driving, go shopping for yourself and save yourself the trade-in headache. Give him your old car (unless you're currently driving a Boxster or something). 
3. If your child is in 1st Grade today, this is a great list. Print out the list of cars and let him hang it up on his wall, right next to his bed. Let him spend the next 9 years dreaming about that fun little Jetta. Let him get a job he can walk to when he's old enough. Teach him how to actually save money, and let him buy himself the car of his dreams when he's 16 - year, make, & model!

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What was your first car? You did survive it, right...

Disservice?

Soccer gets a bad rap for haircuts, but after this weekend, I'm nominating wrestling for "Worst Hair in Athletics". Shaggy pink mohawks, green goatee (on a parent, not a wrestler, but still...), shaved lines, shaved head with raised lines of no particular design... It was amazing.

I sort of feel like I've done my boys a disservice. (I don't mean by giving them somewhat normal looking haircuts.) Both of them lost both their matches and were finished early Saturday at their second wrestling meet. Both of them faced kids who've been wrestling 3 or 4 years, as opposed to their 6 weeks. When you're only 7 or 8, that's almost half your life! My disservice is in not starting them in wrestling when they were 3.

But wait a minute...

When my boys were 3, did they really need to be in wrestling? Probably not. The learning curve is steep, but is it insurmountable? Again, probably not. There's a kid Siah's wrestled 3 times now (in 2 tournaments), and each time, he's scored more points, gained more control, and spent less time getting thrown around. He's learning. They both are.

I like sports, and I'm competitive. If there's a score, I want to win. I want to see my boys win, too, but yesterday I saw some parents that seemed to have way too much vested in the outcome of their kids' rolling around on a foam mat. I can only hope they'll be embarrassed when they hear themselves on tape, but I'm not that optimistic...

Leaving with some disappointment, I dropped the kids off at home and headed out to the church building where the feelings of let-down and loss were quickly banished.  I got to be there for the baptism of an eighth grade girl whose family is a part of WestWay. What a contrast in parents. These guys were celebrating something that really matters! Any disappointment in the wrestling outcomes was eclipsed with the joy of being able to bear witness to the beginning of a new life lived in Christ.

I don't really care if my boys become great wrestlers - but to know Christ... that is something worth working toward. I'm glad we started early - and I pray our priority will always be to see them know and love Him. I guess that's not a disservice at all...

Formative Experience

"The heart will gravitate toward whatever offers adventure and significance." [from Joiner/Neiuwhof in Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: Connect Your Family to a Wider Community (The Orange Series)]

I really appreciated this book's overall approach to parenting, but this quote really stood out to me. Our primary responsibility as parents isn't just to keep our kids safe and cozy and above the influence of a cold, hard world. It's to lead our families to tell a story so great that people want to know Who wrote it. If we don't foster experiences that really matter, our kids will look for them somewhere else.

These experiences of "adventure and significance" help to form a faith that is deep enough to share. They lead kids to the realization that God can accomplish something meaningful through them. They lead them to tell the compelling story of God's restorative, redemptive work in them and in the world.

I'm curious, as a father and a youth minister... I'm always trying to create experiences that are formative for the faith of the young people I'm with (those who are 'mine' and those who are not). What experiences have been most formative for your faith? Are there ways we could work together to craft some similar experiences for another generation?

Somebody Turn On The Lights!

It's Homecoming week here in Scottsbluff, so that means several things. Parade... Theme Days at school... The big football game... and the Homecoming Dance...

In light of that timing, I found an interesting article from Jonathan McKee, a youth ministry leader/speaker who was invited to chaperon a recent high school dance. If you're a parent of a high school student, you need to go read the article. This is not coming from someone who wants to make kids miserable or vilify them in their pubescent impropriety, but from a dad who has given his life to helping the next generation. He's worked with teens for years and was caught a little off guard by what he saw.

He asks, "How stupid are we?"

What's a Good Parent?

I've been reading Reggie Joiner's Parenting Beyond Your Capacity and came across a description of some Biblical parenting models:

"Noah had a drinking problem. Abraham offered his wife to another man. Rebekah schemed with her son to deceive her husband, Isaac. Jacob's sons sold their brother into slavery. David had an affair, and his son started a rebellion. Eli lost total control of how his boys acted in church."

He also mentions Joseph & Mary's 3 day desertion of their son and Adam and Eve's raising one son who killed his own brother.

Not what you expected at the words 'Biblical parenting models'?

Why are teens having sex?

Here are some quick thoughts that come to mind about teens having sex:

> It feels good. Let's be honest - good sex feels really good. God designed us in a way that makes sex possible, and he created the hormones and nerve receptors that make sex pleasurable. Teens have hit the stage in life when this reality becomes obvious to them, and sometimes their curiosity overcomes their caution.

> Sense of maturity. Sex is an adult activity. It's possible that teens get the feeling that having sex somehow means they're more adult, more grown up. With so few clear 'rites of passage' from childhood to adulthood, maybe teens have co-opted sex as a mile marker...

> For guys, this may be giving in to the pressure to 'be a man'. Locker room logic may be telling them "You're not really a man until you've had sex." I know a number of boys who've traveled through adolescence with a sense that being a virgin somehow made them less of a man. I wonder if our society has lost the sense of what it really means to be a man, so teens try sex, thinking that's a part of it.

> Girls may feel a similar pressure, but I've seen it often directed at keeping a boyfriend. There's an underlying assumption that all boys want to have sex NOW and if a girl won't give him what he wants, he'll just move on to another relationship. But the assumption is wrong. Even if the boy does want to have sex, doing so is not some kind of relational glue that will keep him around. In fact, many girls find themselves more shattered than ever when he moves on anyway, despite their giving in to his persuading.

> I wonder though, if it's an unmet need for real relationships that lies behind the current of teen sex. People hope that sex will produce the sense of intimacy they are really longing for. With so few authentic relationships (ones where they don't have to wear a mask) teens may use sex as a substitute.

> I'm not sure the problem of teen sex is really a teen problem. Students have been given poor examples to live up to and have sunk to level of low expectations placed on them. When teens, trying to find the way to a meaningful adult life, open up to any media channel and find Big Ben and Tiger and Lindsay and Gaga doing whatever they want with whomever they want... When teens bounce from house to house in shattered families that may now have a revolving door for mom or dad's latest fling... How are they supposed to make better choices? We (the adults) have to give adolescents a better example to follow.
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Again, these are simply my thoughts and conjecture - not thoroughly processed or neatly packaged. Feel free to share yours below, whether you agree or disagree. But more than that, think about the teens you have contact with. If you're an adult, when was the last time you had a real conversation with a teen? When was the last time a teen really felt like they were important to you? Today's young generation is already changing the world we live in and will continue to do so for some time. What are you doing to help them shape the future in a positive way?

What are they looking for?

Our local paper has been running a special series "dealing with issues facing teenagers in this area" over the past several days. The articles could be pretty eye opening for adults who are not very well connected with the teens in their lives. It's unfortunate that the articles have really only dealt with one issue (sex) that teens face - but I do hope the series will spark some healthy discussion about that issue.

Today's article was called "It Happened to Me" and outlined the stories of a couple girls who found out they are pregnant while still in high school. Neither thought "it" would happen to them. But it did. As it has to others. But that frames the issue the wrong way, I think. Pregnancy doesn't just happen. It's the normal, natural result of a specific behavior (having sex). Since the beginning of recorded history, humanity has understood that sex produces offspring.

So why do teens who do not want to get pregnant engage in behavior that thousands of years of recorded history tells us will eventually result in them getting pregnant? Here's one explanation from the article: "There is a lot of sex going on in the school, and parents are so lenient on their children. Kids are doing it because they are bored. There is nothing else to do." (italics added)

But we have more entertainment options at our fingertips (even in our little town) than at any other time in history. Ipods full of our favorite music; movies on demand and in the theaters; the internet full of information at our fingertips; Wii's and Xbox's; sports, choirs, and bands to be in; pools, parks, baseball and softball and soccer complexes... I don't think adding more activity to stave off boredom would do any of us any good.

What are students really looking for that they think sex will provide? I have some thoughts I'll add in another post, but how would you answer that question?

Safe and Sound... or something else?

"I'd rather sail around the world than get my driver's license."

Abby Sunderland is 16 now and could be standing in line waiting to take her driver's exam and get her license... but she's not. Instead, she's about 500 miles west of Cape Horn; alone in a boat, two months into a 6 month solo attempt at sailing around the world! (Which may be safer than learning to drive in California anyway.) She even took her homework with her to avoid having to stay in high school an extra year (she's a Jr.).

I know some people will balk at the notion of letting a 16 year old circumnavigate "this terrestrial ball," but I admire parents who can trust that they've prepared their kids to really live. Too often, we teach so much risk avoidance that the mere survival that ensues hardly seems like living. The Sunderland's sail. Abby's been sailing for years, and apparently hounding her parents to let her sail around the world since she was 13 (even before her big brother Zac sailed around the world last year). So they've prepared her to live her dreams. They've equipped her to do what most people would be too afraid to even try.

"For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity..." -from Paul to Timothy

Abby's Website
Abby's Blog
Check out this video from the Los Angeles Times:

3rd Grade Track Day

As part of winding down of the school year, Emily had her first track meet today.  Kids from 5 or 6 of the elementary schools in the area come to the Middle School and get to run on the track.  They're all excited (maybe just because they're not stuck in a classroom and they know the year's almost done), parents are excited, teachers are a little frazzled trying to get everyone where they need to be at the right time - but they're excited too!

Emily was one of the kids not so much excited by the running and racing as by the fact that she was getting to be outside all day.  She likes to be active, but hasn't ever really shown too much interest in being athletically competitive.  The thrill of winning never seemed to interest her as much as the chatting on the sidelines with her friends.  That may have just changed...

I have to be honest and say that I didn't have high expectations of 3rd grade track and field glory today.  She tried to convince us to let her run in her canvas flats (that would fall off if they were run in) because she didn't run that fast anyway and her tennis shoes made her feet too hot.  The 50 meter dash was her race of choice - because they had to choose something and it was the shortest choice available.  As we headed for a shady spot, I told her to get her tennis shoes back on when the girls were running the 100m.  "Why do I have to put them on that early?"  I explained to her that each heat of the 400 would be a minute and a half or so, the 100 would only take about 20 seconds and then she was up.  "So how long will the 50 take?"  I said, "You'll only have to run for about 10 seconds, so run as hard as you can."  She got a huge grin at the realization that her "running" task would be so brief and the satisfaction of knowing she had chosen "well"!

I've been emphasizing to her that I didn't care if she won or lost or was stuck in the middle somewhere, I just wanted her to do her best.  That's all I ever really want from my kids - the best effort they can muster up.  At the realization of the brevity of her run, she finally agreed that she would do her best.  When the whistle blew, she took off and ran her best for 50 meters.  Today, her best was enough to win the race!  I know it's only third grade and it's only one short race, but today I'm very proud of my oldest child.

Not because she won, but because she did her best.  She tried as hard as she could to run as fast as she could.  I love how she got excited at the end.  There was something in her eyes that wasn't there before - or at least not as brightly.  When it finally dawned on her that she won  (which wasn't for several seconds after she'd walked off the track) she had this huge grin and a look of disbelief.  I could see the thoughts forming in her mind "I actually won!  If I can win this, what else can I do?  What dreams can I achieve?"

Her imagination is running wild with possibilities.  And she's just learned that great effort can create great outcomes.  My little girl surprised me today - reminded me to never write off the unexpected.  I have a feeling she's going to surprise a lot of people for the rest of her life - not necessarily on the track - as she imagines her way into a tomorrow very different from today.

Don't run away from me...

Lizzy is 2.  Very 2.  She has a stubbornness that I suppose we have to blame on genetics: it seems to be a dominant trait all the way around in our household!  Lately, she's testing the limits of her own free will and figuring out how that plays into relationships within the family...  "I CAN say no to Siah - I CANNOT say no to Daddy."

Yesterday, she had told me "NO" very emphatically when I told her to do something, then immediately realized her stubbornness had very deep roots - in me.  She knew she was in trouble before I said anything else, so she ran.  (Actually, this scenario played out a couple times yesterday.)

As she recovered from her *cough, cough* reprimand, I brought her face close to mine and said "Lizzie, when you know you're in trouble, don't run away from me."

Immediately, I wondered how often God has longed to pull me close and tell me to stop running...  How often do we hide from God as we struggle with trouble that only He is able to handle?  Burying ourselves in work or play or even relationships that let us distract ourselves from the Truth that is waiting for us... Let's stop repeating the folly of Adam and Eve, hiding in the garden, and run to our Father, who is more than able to correct us, heal us, and rebuild us for service in His Kingdom.

Where's My Future?

Sitting in the kitchen today, my youngest son stopped whatever he was playing (he lives inside his own head, so we're never quite sure where he is) and asked me "Dad, where is my future going to be?" I may not be the most observant father on the planet, but when a teachable moment walks up and smacks me in the face like that, I usually notice!

"Where is my future going to be?" At first I thought he was maybe asking a Heaven or Hell type question. "Does Jesus love me/Am I OK with God" type of thing. Quickly I realized he wasn't thinking about anything post-mortem, but about his life here and now (which is pretty much what you get with any 5 year old). It's easy to tell where we've been or to tell someone where they are now, but there's no wall map that says "You will be here." What is a 5 year old concept of the future anyway?

I told him it was wherever he makes it. Every choice we make shapes our future. Had I made different choices throughout the years, I'd be living in a very different present than the one I'm in now. A person can really get messed up with the "What if I'd just..." queries of life (I've spent way too much time in the land of second guessing), but at 5 years old I love this question.

"Where is my future going to be?" It's like the beginning of a book. That first sentence eliminates all but a handful of options. Before that first sentence, the book could go anywhere, but as soon as it begins - the field narrows. With each decision of our lives, the field narrows. The book is being written. This makes every choice more weighty than we may have thought it was yesterday. We have to decide where we want our future to be and make the decisions that shape the world around us to create that future...

Where do you want your future to be? Are you choosing to go there?

How is this a "safe haven"?

In Hurt Chap Clark outlines how society is sytemmatically abandoning young people.

This article and other recent ones like it provide concrete examples of just how little we, as a culture, value kids. "A Michigan mother drove roughly 12 hours to Omaha so she could abandon her 13-year-old son at a hospital under the state's unique safe-haven law, Nebraska officials said Monday." (It's 'unique' in that lawmakers failed to define that "infants" may be left at a safe haven location as perhaps every other state has done; instead stating that parents may leave their "children" with no age qualifier.)

I know the intent of Safe Haven Laws is to give mothers in crisis situations a way to provide their infants with a better alternative than being aborted, neglected, or abused. And I hope that my state will act quickly to correct the wording of this legislation. But this all leaves me with a lot of questions...

What kind of society has to make laws about which children can be legally abandoned?
How have families become so broken that parents feel they have no choice but to dump off their progeny on complete strangers?
Where is the church for these people?
Can we come up with some more hopeful alternatives?

Struggling...

A note was found that had been inadvertently left behind by some students the other day. Scribbles back and forth - made to pass the time during a time of worship on Sunday morning. But the content was not just some innocuous bantering back and forth to fend off the boredom. It was sexually explicit declaration of mutual intent between a couple kids.

At this point, I'm not sure exactly who wrote what, but every student in that section has grown up in church. Something is very wrong when someone can spend every week in church for 15 years and be so far from Christ... I know that attendance is not an indicator of any depth whatsoever to relationship with God, but you'd think that somewhere along the way something would have sunk in.

I'm tired of seeing people play the game. Tired of the shiny, happy faces hiding very dark hearts. I am sick of seeing kids and parents keeping up appearances while they trash their own lives. And yet, I know these kids are only pawns in Satan's attempt to derail the church from God's mission. They may be casualties or prisoners, but they are not the enemy. May God illuminate the corners of our lives that have stayed in darkness. May he continue to use me to bring life to dead students...
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An interesting article has popped up on several youth ministry blogs that I've read recently. Learning to Lie shares some interesting sociologic insight gained from recent study into understanding why kids lie. It's interesting to think about this article in the context of the church. Are we inadvertently teaching kids to hide sin by never really exposing our own?

Parenting 101

A couple important parenting tips:
1) Your child is not entitled to most of what our culture is training her to think she's entitled to.
2) Actions have consequences.

An excellent parenting example: "'Meanest Mom on Planet' Sells Teen Son's Car After Finding Booze Under Seat".