Sticks & Chisels 3.1

Image: Kyle Key via creationswap.com

Without interaction, social media is basically pointless. Dare I say it... "Like so much other media!" Without the give and take and sharing of opinions, social media is just a bunch of introverted narcissists staring deeply into their own mirrors. Blogs are one part of the social media parcel. This blog, for example - I started it, I write it, I am responsible for it. But I don't want this blog to just be me spouting my opinions & collected thoughts. That's what books are for, right? Just kidding authors! A blog is completed (or maybe fulfilled would be a better word) by the thoughts of a community sharing perspectives. But there are some obstacles to that sort of interaction online. Here are several:

• Fear of Broaching Boundaries - We are afraid to say something wrong. Is there a different etiquette to online interactions? It seems some people lose all sense of civility when digitally interfacing. We know we don't want to be those people, but we're not quite sure where the line is, so we just stay quiet. If this is you, step out a little bit. Don't be a jerk, but share your thoughts.
• Fear of Exposure - We're afraid to reveal something about ourselves to people we don't know. A colleague recently stepped into the realm of facebook, very reluctantly. He'd been afraid that specters from his past would arise to cloud the respect & relationships of today. It was great to see those fears assuaged a couple days ago as he connected with a long-distance grandson he loves like crazy. Remember that the internet is a very public place and not every detail of your life needs to be shouted from the rooftop - but really being known in relationship requires taking the risk of letting someone close enough to see our faults.
• Technological Roadblocks - Sometimes, we just can't figure out how to comment the way we want to. I know this has been a problem here. I get e-mails often from some of you who wanted to comment, but had a hard time navigating the comment section. While I've tried to make it easy, the system doesn't always work. And if I make it too easy, the comments can quickly become a dumping ground for all kinds of unwanted junk. I'm actually looking at a couple options to make this easier - possibly installing a different commenting system in the template if I can figure that out, or moving the blog altogether to another service with easier commenting.

What other boundaries do you see to connecting online?

...And there is Grace

I don't want to leave this recent discussion about adolescents having sex without touching another concept: grace. Sometimes we act like having sex before marriage is unforgivable - like once a kid's had sex, they're just utterly hopeless and doomed to a life of decadence and brokenness. This mentality can quickly become a powerful vortex, sucking away the will to work toward anything better. "They all think I'm a slut now anyway, so I might as well..."

But the truth is that many people have had sex before marriage and gone on to live productive, healthy lives (not scar free, however). They often paid a heavy price and would undo what they did if they could, but they've survived because of grace. Both the grace offered to them by God, and that of friends and family who came together to support them as they sought to do better.

It's definitely better for teens to not have sex, but sometimes I'm afraid we do little to help the situation with our scarlet letters and pointing fingers. If you're a teen who's had sex and realized it was a mistake, even though you can't undo it; you don't have to wallow in it and keep making the same mistake. You can move on and live differently. If you know a teen who's having sex, find out why. What is it that they're seeking to find in sex? Then show them a better way. Help them find the real fulfillment they're looking for. (Yes, I'm making an assumption there - that they are in it for more than cheap thrills.) Help them find hope for the authentic fullness in life that they won't find in sex.
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Like I said in the last post, this is all coming from my limited point of view. I did have sex as a teen for about a year and a half, but only after I married at 18. The pressures we faced may be very different from the ones students face today. I may be way off base and value your input. How can we help students pick up the pieces?

Why are teens having sex?

Here are some quick thoughts that come to mind about teens having sex:

> It feels good. Let's be honest - good sex feels really good. God designed us in a way that makes sex possible, and he created the hormones and nerve receptors that make sex pleasurable. Teens have hit the stage in life when this reality becomes obvious to them, and sometimes their curiosity overcomes their caution.

> Sense of maturity. Sex is an adult activity. It's possible that teens get the feeling that having sex somehow means they're more adult, more grown up. With so few clear 'rites of passage' from childhood to adulthood, maybe teens have co-opted sex as a mile marker...

> For guys, this may be giving in to the pressure to 'be a man'. Locker room logic may be telling them "You're not really a man until you've had sex." I know a number of boys who've traveled through adolescence with a sense that being a virgin somehow made them less of a man. I wonder if our society has lost the sense of what it really means to be a man, so teens try sex, thinking that's a part of it.

> Girls may feel a similar pressure, but I've seen it often directed at keeping a boyfriend. There's an underlying assumption that all boys want to have sex NOW and if a girl won't give him what he wants, he'll just move on to another relationship. But the assumption is wrong. Even if the boy does want to have sex, doing so is not some kind of relational glue that will keep him around. In fact, many girls find themselves more shattered than ever when he moves on anyway, despite their giving in to his persuading.

> I wonder though, if it's an unmet need for real relationships that lies behind the current of teen sex. People hope that sex will produce the sense of intimacy they are really longing for. With so few authentic relationships (ones where they don't have to wear a mask) teens may use sex as a substitute.

> I'm not sure the problem of teen sex is really a teen problem. Students have been given poor examples to live up to and have sunk to level of low expectations placed on them. When teens, trying to find the way to a meaningful adult life, open up to any media channel and find Big Ben and Tiger and Lindsay and Gaga doing whatever they want with whomever they want... When teens bounce from house to house in shattered families that may now have a revolving door for mom or dad's latest fling... How are they supposed to make better choices? We (the adults) have to give adolescents a better example to follow.
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Again, these are simply my thoughts and conjecture - not thoroughly processed or neatly packaged. Feel free to share yours below, whether you agree or disagree. But more than that, think about the teens you have contact with. If you're an adult, when was the last time you had a real conversation with a teen? When was the last time a teen really felt like they were important to you? Today's young generation is already changing the world we live in and will continue to do so for some time. What are you doing to help them shape the future in a positive way?

What are they looking for?

Our local paper has been running a special series "dealing with issues facing teenagers in this area" over the past several days. The articles could be pretty eye opening for adults who are not very well connected with the teens in their lives. It's unfortunate that the articles have really only dealt with one issue (sex) that teens face - but I do hope the series will spark some healthy discussion about that issue.

Today's article was called "It Happened to Me" and outlined the stories of a couple girls who found out they are pregnant while still in high school. Neither thought "it" would happen to them. But it did. As it has to others. But that frames the issue the wrong way, I think. Pregnancy doesn't just happen. It's the normal, natural result of a specific behavior (having sex). Since the beginning of recorded history, humanity has understood that sex produces offspring.

So why do teens who do not want to get pregnant engage in behavior that thousands of years of recorded history tells us will eventually result in them getting pregnant? Here's one explanation from the article: "There is a lot of sex going on in the school, and parents are so lenient on their children. Kids are doing it because they are bored. There is nothing else to do." (italics added)

But we have more entertainment options at our fingertips (even in our little town) than at any other time in history. Ipods full of our favorite music; movies on demand and in the theaters; the internet full of information at our fingertips; Wii's and Xbox's; sports, choirs, and bands to be in; pools, parks, baseball and softball and soccer complexes... I don't think adding more activity to stave off boredom would do any of us any good.

What are students really looking for that they think sex will provide? I have some thoughts I'll add in another post, but how would you answer that question?

"It's not me, it's you..."

I don't have a lot of good break up stories. When you marry as young as we did, you're spared a lot of the crappiness of the adult dating world - so glad I didn't have to deal with it. And thankful God put me with the right person and we both recognized it without having to screw up our lives first. Perry Noble's doing a series on being single right now with some great stuff though. Check out this link to his blog post about reasons two people should break up - and check out Newspring's site for the online message videos.

Here's a line from one of the reasons:

"Dating was not created to be some sort of hobby/sport. So... when you KNOW that the relationship is NOT heading beyond its current condition... you KNOW that he or she is NOT the person God has for you... END IT! Don't date someone just so you won't be alone... this situation ALWAYS goes bad..."

Disconnected Church Kids

The Link Institute (which is a product of Huntington University's youth ministry program) and YouthWorker Journal teamed up for an essay contest (on the theme of The Church) for high school juniors and seniors. The winning entry was written by Ian Roseen, who shares a very insightful glimpse into what many students feel about the church.

You should go here to read his article. I wish I could thank Ian for sharing his brief sketch of a typical Sunday morning for many in a generation that is being spiritually displaced. Go read the article. And if you have any capacity to do so, make sure the Katys and Ians of your community can truly be connected in your congregation. In Ian's words:

"Engage us. Involve us. Depend on us. Give us responsibilities. Set high expectations. Let us use our talents. Help us feel like we belong to the church at large."

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*If you're a high school Jr. or Sr. (or know some) check out this page for details on how you can enter next year's essay contest. It could be worth a $16,000 scholarship to Huntington!

Back from a Break

Just got back from a couple days off. LuAnn's mom came and stayed with the kids and we went to Ft. Collins and Estes Park. This June was our 15th Anniversary, so we'd been planning a trip to celebrate. With camps and a summer full of youth ministry stuff, this was when we finally got to go. I am an incredibly fortunate man, to have been married to someone so great - and to have gotten married so young, saving me from the awkward freshman dating roulette (and college cafeteria food)!

It was cool to be back in the area where we lived for a while and see how much it's changed and what's stayed the same. We ate Sunday night at Smashburger (I know, I know... a very romantic spot, huh?!) - you probably should not die until you've had their 'smashfries', just sayin'... On Monday, we got to Estes just in time for the first snow of the year! There wasn't a lot, but it was pretty chilly - not premium for wandering the streets, but bearable.

One of the funny themes of this trip was how, on our kid-free getaway we were so often surrounded by kids. At Bob & Tony's (great pizza in Estes, but sadly, no more on-tap-root beer) a couple from Texas sat down next to us and apologized for sitting so close with their kids - LuAnn said, No big deal, we have four at home... The lady was surprised and told LuAnn she didn't look like she could have four kids... Didn't have the heart to tell her the oldest was almost 10 and we'd been married 15 years!

The theme was repeated when we showed up at the Loveland Chic-fil-A on what turned out to be the 'oldies/family night' sock hop! It was insanely full of kids dressed in poodle skirts and plain white t's.

On Tuesday, we hung around Ft. Collins. We went to a running store, where I found a pair of really good shoes for $30 - nice to have an extra, thank you to whoever delivered the wrong size to Runner's Roost! We wandered the old downtown and checked out some local galleries and the art museum, then headed home, with a detour through Laramie to say hi to my family.

It really didn't matter what we were doing or eating, or even where we were. It was nice to just get to hang out for a couple days with LuAnn. I'm very thankful for the years God's given us together. I love my wife and the family God's created through us. (I like them, too, so that makes it that much better!) Thanks God.

Pastor Perfect?

I've liked what I've read from Craig Groeschel's Confessions of a Pastor so far.  The transparent honesty is encouraging.  The very first few pages describe the making of an impostor out of his own life, and he describes what he calls the "pastor's mystique" - a mistaken notion of church leadership that he bought into.  It's the idea that people want to see their pastor "as superhuman, better than the average person.  Church members want to believe your marriage is always strong, your faith never falters, and you are virtually without sin."

Believing that, Groeschel and many pastors like him have been led to be overly guarded, careful not to reveal any cracks or deficiencies in their lives.  The problem is we all do have cracks and we all do have deficiencies.  We need other people to help us through a lot of the crap that comes with the business of living.  The advice, "Don't let them know the real you.  Always dress the part.  Always talk the part." is good advice for self-protection.  The pain of being hurt by someone we love can be avoided if we never allow anyone close enough to love.

But it leaves us alone, and it leaves us with no footing for real leadership.  If I am hiding myself from you, how will I lead you?  How can I follow a leader I don't even know?  We can't lead the church of Jesus to conquer the gates of hell from within a shell of our own making.  

Groeschel notes that,  "Somewhere on my journey, though, I forgot that God called me... not to be like a pastor, but to be like Christ."  If you're one of my ministry friends who reads this - be encouraged to lead your ministry as Christ leads you, not as some poser who fits flawlessly into a role or position or system.  Learn to trust the right people with your life.

You'll probably get hurt more - but it's worth it.  

You'll have to give up that shiny image you've worked so hard to keep polished - but let's be honest, the polish is wearing pretty thin anyway.  

You'll eventually be betrayed by someone you love who'll use their understanding of you for their own advantage - which ironically puts you in company with Jesus.

He's pretty good company...

Gravity of Familiarity

What is familiar often goes unnoticed.  We can tend to take for granted those things that are most commonly present to us.  Blemishes and annoyances that may be very irritating at first can even fade into oblivion with time.  And sometimes, the same can happen with certain passages of the Bible.  Even the words of Jesus can become so familiar that we stop noticing what He really said.

Matthew 5 begins a section of Scripture that is, and should be, very familiar to most in the church - and even many outside it.  But as I was reading this morning, it struck me that these words were so familiar that I was reading without even thinking about what I was reading.  I wanted to do something to slow myself down and really notice what Jesus was saying, so I inverted the sentence structure within the passage - escaping the traditional cadence of "Blessed are those who... for they shall...".

When I was able to shed the weight caused by the gravity of familiarity, I noticed again how revolutionary Jesus' words really are.  Everything he said in this passage we religiously refer to as "The Beatitudes" (whatever that means), shakes the very foundation of worldviews throughout time and place.  He turned value systems upside down.  If you'll allow me a little license, here is a look at the passage from a less familiar angle:

The kingdom of heaven belongs to the poor in Spirit.

Comfort will be given to those who mourn.

The earth will be inherited by the meek.

Fulfillment will be given to those who insatiably seek righteousness.

Mercy will be shown to the merciful.

God will be seen by the pure in heart.

Children of God is the name given to the peacemakers.

The kingdom of heaven belongs to the persecuted righteous.

Pain inflicted on us because we align our lives with Jesus will result in great reward in heaven.

The reward really is great to those who live according to the worldview that Jesus offers in this passage.  Let's slow down and notice how these values can be fleshed out in our lives...

Why Drive So Far?

I've been in the middle of a pretty busy stretch lately. The ski trip two weekends past was supposed to be followed by an annual vision casting banquet, which has now been postponed until later this month (the day after a girls trip I'm driving for). This past weekend I took a small group of guys out to the IA-NE Christian Convention in Omaha - and I have two group trips to Denver in the next month. We're hosting a concert by VOTA here tonight and planning a student led Sunday service sometime in the not too distant future. In April we're hosting a couple hundred students for an annual youth event that rotates between a few churches in the region. I'm also trying to get some groundwork done for a pretty intense prayer initiative.

The travel seems to be one of the most often questioned aspects of the youth ministry lately. "Why would you go (with a bunch of kids) to Casper one weekend, turn around the very next weekend and go to Omaha, and throw in two trips to Denver in a span of 7 weeks? You'll be spending a lot of time driving..."

Actually, for the Omaha trip last weekend there were about 14 hours driving on Friday and Saturday and only about 10 hours of actual programming/event taking place. Why spend so much time in a car to get to a youth event that's only 1 night and one morning? Here's an actual comment from Friday night that illustrates why.

"Man this is awesome. I love GORF." (the name of the Jr. High event we were attending).

Not that big of a deal except one thing: the student making the comment had never been to the event before, and the comment was made before any of the programming had taken place. We showed up at the convention center, got checked in, went to check in at the hotel, then went to Fuddrucker's for dinner (best greasy burgers in Omaha). The event hadn't even started yet and he was already loving it!

But the 500 miles covered together on the road were part of the event for my students. This small group of guys spent 500 miles beating on each other, laughing at Cheetos faces and fingers, getting truck drivers to honk, and just hanging out all day. The time spent traveling is sometimes the most sustained contact any of these students have with another human being. It's a chance for relationship to develop. I want to take advantage of that anytime I can.

The last three youth trips have been the best three trips in my time in ministry here. It's been exciting to see the students responding to what God's been impressing on them in these trips - I look forward to seeing how they continue to implement their convictions in their homes and schools and jobs... and to logging a few more miles in a couple weeks.

Igniting What Could Be...

This past weekend, I got to take some students on a winter retreat.  The theme of the weekend was "Ignite" with the idea of not being lukewarm.  There was a lot of focus on real practical implementation of our faith.  It was awesome to hear (and see my students hear) so many echoes of what I've been feeling and teaching lately.

A college friend who is now preaching at Calvary Christian Church after being the youth minister there for a number of years was the speaker for the weekend.  My kids really got a lot out of the stories he shared of real, concrete ways that other students had put feet on their faith when they stopped living for themselves.

Saturday was skiing for the morning and afternoon.  Up until Thursday or Friday, there was very little snow, so I'm not sure many of us were very optimistic about the skiing.  But Friday night it snowed enough to provide a little cover for the ice-packed hills.  About the time the slopes were freezing up again (after about an hour of a few hundred people skiing on them) it started to snow again and didn't stop most of the day.  There was plenty of snow.

One of the greatest parts of the weekend for me was the music.  Not so much the music itself, but Tommy, the worship leader.  This event is located at the church where I went when I was in high school, and Tommy was one of the Jr. High kids there at that time.  Back then, no one that I knew of would have imagined that he'd one day be a worship leader - but God did, and now he's the worship and youth minister at that church.  It was awesome to worship with Tommy and his brothers leading and think about the transformation that only God can bring about.

It was humbling to be reminded of a small thing I did while Tommy was in high school that was a part of his "ignition".  A spark that stayed around in his life long enough to find fuel and combine with a lot of other flickers until a life is now engulfed in passionate love for God.  How many times do I miss those little things I could be saying now that will spark something later on?  How often do I let my frustration blind me to a future fully in His hands?

May God let us see what could be...

"They Like Jesus, But Not the Church"

My second read of the year was Dan Kimball's They Like Jesus, But Not the Church. Kimball shares some conversations with people he knows who seem to be open to Jesus, but very closed to the church - and shares their common perceptions and misgivings of the church. One thing I really liked about the book is that he doesn't just point out a bunch of problems with the church. He doesn't just criticize. He offers real hope that perceptions can be changed where the church honestly reflects the reality of Jesus' character. I loved the stories he shared of people opening up when they discovered people in the church who didn't fit the caricature they'd bought into. It's amazing how people respond when they see the real Jesus in His people.

One of the most challenging aspects of the book is Kimball's desire to get Christian leaders "out of the bubble". I must admit, I spend a lot more time in my office than in the world.

Imagine... Obstacles Pt. 5

"One of the great dangers of leadership is this: we stop doing ministry out of imagination and we start doing ministry out of memory. We learn how and forget why. We stop creating the future and start repeating the past." - Mark Batterson

Painful Circumstances can also cause us to rely on memory/autopilot for ministry. Hurting people hurt other people. In ministry, often hurting people hurt those in leadership. Church splits, miscommunicated messages, death or illness... these things hurt church leaders deeply and when we hurt, we can tend to rest in places we already know are safe - reducing the risk of further injury.

But you can't do ministry from a shell. Ministry requires our hearts to be exposed in order to touch those around us. Instead of resting in the comfort of the cocoon, however, we need to lean into the blows that will come our way. Perhaps it's a fleshing out of the proverbial "turning the other cheek." You've given yourself in ministry and been hurt. You could withdraw into a mode of ministry that keeps you insulated, but that also renders you ineffective. Or you can choose to offer yourself again and again to the wolves who will snipe and bite at everything from your intelligence to your electric bill to your availability, to your character...

It doesn't sound very appealing to just say "I'm going to give myself in ministry to people who will take me for granted, chew me up, and spit me out." Honestly, it sounds pretty stupid, and my mind tells me that the people who would cause me pain don't deserve my efforts. Thank God that Jesus has a clearer mind than mine!

The imagination of Christ tells him to die so sinners can live.
The imagination of Christ tells him to open up his friend's tomb and tell him to come back out - after he'd been dead for several days!
The imagination of Christ tells him to pick up a cross and go where God is leading, even though it seems that God is not there.

I'm not advocating pastoral abuse here. There are plenty of stories of ministers who've just been emotionally and spiritually beaten up. It's not ok. But if you're in ministry (or any other type of leadership) there will be some painful circumstances that come along. Don't let them derail the holy imagination that God has placed within you. Don't let them dull the mind of Christ, creatively living within you. Play hurt when you need to. Make time for rest and recuperation. But don't give up hope.

An Echoing Trinity

About 5 years ago, in a fit of creative hopes, I bought myself a cheap beginner set of acrylics, wanting to learn to paint. I had no idea what to get my brothers for Christmas this year, so I decided to finally bust open the tubes and do a couple paintings for them. This is one of them, along with a poem I wrote to go with it: "An Echoing Trinity".

Intertwined, They dwell in hearts of men
and outside all space and time.
A mystery of three - can't quite understand
the nature of One so alive.
But whether or not I can comprehend
He's there in a perfect display
Of life and of mercy - a Spirit, a Son,
and a Father of consumate grace.

He spoke and stars leaped
all we know came to be,
out of His relationship -
everything.

So now, intertwined are my brothers and I
in a life that's not quite what we'd be.
But a life nonetheless He can handle I guess
an echoing Trinity.

The atttitude of Jesus

I've asked my students to write a short essay on living with Jesus' attitude, so I thought I'd post an example of what I'm looking for (this is on the short side of what's assigned, but it's enough to get the idea):

"What does it mean for me to live with the attitude of Jesus?" I suppose it means that as much as possible, my thoughts, feelings, reactions, etc. are His. It means that my perspective on life is seen through His eyes. I can tend to get a little cynical sometimes, my outlook a little bleak. Sometimes I see situations that are obviously messed up and doubt that there's anything I or anyone else can do to make them better. A lot of people don't really want to 'get well'. That can be very discouraging for me.

But when I have the attitude of Jesus, my perspective changes. Flickers of hope begin to melt away my cynicism. I come to understand that my job isn't to make things better, but to "awaken possibilities" within others - to take a spark of life near enough to them that they will be driven to seek out the Source of that Life.

This means that people are not seeking out me. It's not relationship with me that they need. They're looking beyond me, through me, to see the One whose attitude I reflect. And that's ok. Having Jesus' attitude means I don't want their attention to get stuck on me. I want to direct their attention to God, our Father. If that means being ignored and taken for granted, I can live with that. Jesus' attitude says, "Life is not about me."

Jesus set aside everything for the sake of others. He humbly laid down His right and privilege in order to serve humanity. If I'm going to have His attitude, I will be willing to do the same.

E3 - RAIN

After years of careful research and in depth analysis, I have come to believe that a critical part of life is breathing. You might even say the act of breathing is essential to life! Unless a person inhales enough oxygen in a continuously re-occurring manner, that person will die. The problem is that our lungs only have the capacity to hold enough oxygen for us to live on for a very brief moment before they must be re-supplied. If we don't exhale, emptying our lungs of precious, but used, breath, we can’t refill them with new oxygen-rich air.

Once the breath of God has entered our spiritual lungs, there can be a tendency to take hold of that and savor the ecstasy of life in Christ. To bask in the security and joy of being loved by God and being saved from death. But if we hold it in too long, the result is death – not necessarily ours, but others’. We rob the world when we don’t exhale His breath of Life.

“His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” -Jeremiah

When our students have allowed Christ to begin transforming them and have connected with Him and with His Body, then together they will become conduits through which the Breath of Life will flow wherever God wants it to. As water VAPOR travels with other molecules of water VAPOR, they collide and combine and condense. The VAPOR even becomes more visible to us as clouds as it is collected and blown about overhead. Eventually the molecules of water in a cloud will become dense enough that the force of gravity escorts them back to earth as RAIN.

In human terms, we see this part of the process as students humbling themselves in community in order to love. In simple terms, love is putting someone else above our own desires, thinking of another first. That is impossible without first humbling ourselves before God and learning to think of ourselves as players in His story, not merely our own. We want to see our students enter into relationships through very small discipleship groups in which they each humbly seek the good and growth of the others in the group.

It is in these relationships where students will learn to order their lives in alignment with God’s mission. Erwin McManus and Mosaic use a phrase as a core value: “Love is the context of all mission.” In the RAIN environment, we want our students to live lives of love that allow them to enter into the mission of God. We know that God is desperately concerned with restoring His relationship with “missing” people. They’re missing from His family – He created them to love them. In humility and love, RAIN is allowing God to send us back into dry areas on His mission to bring life to the world.

And that will bring us to RIVER…

Who Belongs Here?

Last week, LuAnn and I took the kids to Cody and Casper, WY to celebrate Christmas with our families. (The kids thought it was an awesome idea to celebrate Christmas 3 times!) The roads were a little icy, but ok for the most part - visibility was good, so we didn't have any problems.

While we were gone, we were able to attend a church as visitors for the first time in a long time. I haven't done that lately, and it really made me think about the people who visit WestWay for the first time. What is their experience like? Could it be better?

We pulled into the parking lot and waited in a line that had stacked up when someone got stuck in a drift that had formed between rows of cars. Before you jump to criticize the church for not plowing the lot, remember this was Wyoming on a windy winter day: drift happens. Once the car was clear of the drift (with help received from a few guys on their way in) I found a parking spot about as far from the front door as possible. Not because I wanted to, but because that's all that was left. This says a few things:

1. People like it here. The lot is full, so there must be something going on.

2. First come, first served. If you want a good parking spot, get here earlier - we arrived about 15 minutes before the service started, but the closer spots were long gone.

I remember a time in my previous ministry when we were really struggling with parking issues. We had cars parked all along the street in addition to a lot full. But there was a separate parking area on one side of the building that was very convenient to park in. We asked our leaders to park as far away as possible to push out the "first come, first served" mentality, but it was tough convincing people to save those spots for visitors.

Once we were inside, we weren't sure if there was a children's service or if they should stay with us, so we went downstairs where the children used to (and I think still do) gather, but found out there was no children's service this week. Not a big deal, but the lack of information could set visitors on edge. I thought of WestWay and how informed a visitor could be here. They walk in the door and if they have kids, only experience (which a visitor by definition does not have) will lead them through the gym, down the right hall or up the right stairs, or to the right classroom. We need to do better.

The whole visiting experience made me wonder again about what goes on in our churches on Sunday mornings and how are students who are new to my ministry welcomed on Wednesday nights? Honestly, I fear that much of what happens is meaningful only to the already initiated. I know what's going on... I understand what's going on... because this is what I've known all my life. I'm connected to these people. I am these people.

But how are outsiders being connected? There's always an advocacy for inviting people to come to church with you, but when they come, what do they find? We need to make sure they don't find yet another club to which they don't belong...

Ready for Weddings...

I've been asked to do a couple of weddings this summer and am looking for some good material to use for pre-marital counseling with both couples. The problem is that one couple lives 500 miles away, and the groom of the other pair is out on the East Coast for military training. I want to find something they can go through on their own, then talk together about it, then talk with me about what they talked about.

So I got Craig Groeschel's new book "Going All the Way: Preparing for a Marriage that Goes the Distance". I liked the book, but am now trying to decide what to do with what I read. It's got some great stuff regarding choices and commitments that will enable us to live in a marriage that is everything God created it to be. If people lived the way he describes, they would truly be setting the table for great marriages.

The problem I have is one of timing. I think a lot of the book will be more helpful for young 'unattached' singles than couples who are engaged and only months away from their wedding. (Which is why I will be exploring the possibility of distilling the book for use in our student ministries - it really is good stuff.)

I can think of a number of students that I'd love to pour this book into. So much heartache and emotional damage could be avoided by making God priority over relationships. Going All the Way includes a lot of really practical truth about developing intimacy, destroying it, why living together doesn't really make relationship sense, re-establishing abandoned values... if you've struggled with relationships with the opposite sex, get the book and gain some possible insight as to why.